so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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