Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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