You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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