There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
