The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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