Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
