Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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