So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
