whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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