tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
