I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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