I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
