how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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