I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
