I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
