I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone came in the potted fern
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
