New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Green mimosas i think yes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
