This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
