I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
