There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
