you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
