Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
