Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
