after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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