oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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