How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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