You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
