I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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