im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I skipped work to stalk him.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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