I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize