wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
