i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's the barista slut.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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