Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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