Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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