he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
