you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
