i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
