My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
