ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
be right there i have to get my cape
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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