So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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