I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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