That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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