I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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