I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We're too hungover to prance.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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