hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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