There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
