It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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