I wish my penis had an off switch
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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