Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
handjob tips. give me some.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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