Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
