I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
