If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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