I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
