I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
