if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
