I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
