i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
