I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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