im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
