i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
