I wannas sexs uuuuu
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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