i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
