if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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