What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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