my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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