new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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