you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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