my phone needs a breathalizer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize