hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
