He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
