she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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