I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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