weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
