ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
