my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
