well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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