twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize