first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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