just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
