Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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